i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
