I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
