Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
