I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
