i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
