So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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