He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize