How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
