I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
