you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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