While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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