His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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