Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
