Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
