Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
