if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
