bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
