He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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