Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
