Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
