I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
