the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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