dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
