my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
