shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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