I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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