I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
