his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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