somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
