maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
