I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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