Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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