end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dear god my vagina.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize