he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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