We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
