1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
