at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
