I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
