dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
