I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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