My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
