she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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