Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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