My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
