You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
