Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
