I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
