You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
