I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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