I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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