I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
