just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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