He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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