Sry I called you an 8
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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