I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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