On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
