After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
