fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
