Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
