we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
