The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
