I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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