dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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