in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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