Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
