best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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