Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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