I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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