Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
