In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
