As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
be right there i have to get my cape
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
